Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
