Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
