i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
