you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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