i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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