i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
