if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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