You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
