I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
