I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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