I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
