She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
