Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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