Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
