i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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