Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
