No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
