how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
