it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
