How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
