Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
