The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
