This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
