i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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