i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
