I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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