i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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