The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize