If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
