all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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