He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
