Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
