I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
