Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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