please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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