im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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