I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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