I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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