You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
