for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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