wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize