all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
