i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
