i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
