We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
