Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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