just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
