He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
