her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
