i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
