I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
