i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
