At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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