there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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