just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
