please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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