I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Too much gin, very little bucket
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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