is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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