I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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