i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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