I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
