you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
