As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
