New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
