I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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