you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
