you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
