I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
