I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
