Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
