his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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