Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
